CHRISTMAS DEBRIEFED
What makes a gift perfect?
by Jan Whitson

Well, how did it go? Did Christmas provide an infinite amount of magic packed into one perfect day?

You’re too smart to be expecting that, right? Let me ask a better question: Did you get, or give, the perfect gift? It only takes one or the other to make the season an outstanding success.

Despite more Christmases than I ought to admit to, I learned a lot this year about giving the perfect gift. I was shopping with my son, Jonathan, for his beautiful bride of six months…well, to be honest, he was shopping. I was just tagging along. Both having an analytical turn of mind, we were talking about the different ways of “doing Christmas” and about gift-giving in general. We concluded that there were two basic ways that families approach holiday gift giving. There are the List-makers and the I-dunno-ers. Let me explain how these relate to the perfect gift.

Some families go for lists. You write down a bunch of stuff that you’d like to have, covering a range of prices from small to semi-extravagant. Then, if you are male, you give it to your wife. If not, you pass it to the Keeper of Lists. Or simply mention the items on it as often as possible to anyone willing to listen. The method used varies depending on the culture and traditions of the family in question.

My older son and his lovely and energetic wife, Linda, deal with opposing traditions every year. The people in her family are List-makers, those in ours are I-dunno-ers. We try, but coming from a family where even the men can produce a decent potential gift list, she must be sorely frustrated by our feeble attempts at telling her what we want. In her family, shopping is the name of the game, and she is astonishingly good at it. As a virtual non-shopper, I find her ability incredible. The fun for her is not in the receiving. She knows she will get a nice selection of things that she wants and can actually use. The fun is in the hunt.

For the men in Linda’s family, the List seems to be an opportunity to have someone else track down some hard-to-find item they want, so that they (or their wives) don’t have to bother with searching for it. This is eminently fair, because tracking down the impossible-to-find is a challenge to the true Christmas shopper, but is merely tedious and frustrating when you are shopping for yourself or your immediate family’s non-holiday needs. So Lisa tracks things down for Linda’s husband, Linda tracks things down for Lisa’s husband. Leona—their mom—tracks things down for everyone, and they all have fun doing it. Not a bad way to go when you have shoppers in the family.

When I shop with Linda, we go from store to store—yes, once again, I am mainly the tag-along—looking for specific items from gift lists. When she spots a really great deal on an item from someone’s list, the hunt ends. “Score!” Meanwhile, I wander around, mostly following her, hoping something will catch my eye that someone on my list will enjoy.

The perfect gift occurs when a “Score!” item is received with great enthusiasm by a loved one who never really expected they would get their heart’s desire.

By contrast, my entire family lacks the shopping gene. Undoubtedly my fault. We wander around looking for something someone might like. List-making skills are poor also.

“What would you like me to get you for Christmas?” I ask my son.

“I don’t know,” he replies.

“How about a gift card to the home improvement store?” I think this is a great idea. They bought a new house, a fixer-upper, not long ago.

“No.”

“Cash? Then you could spend it anywhere you want,” I encourage.

“I don’t want cash or a gift card, I want a present. Something to unwrap.”

“Okay, I’ll try to think of something,” I say, discouraged. But if he won’t help me with his gift, perhaps… “Any idea what I can get your Dad? He’s so hard to buy for. When he wants something, he just gets it.”

My son doesn’t grasp the enormity of the problem. “I’ll help you find a present for Dad.” He promises easily. “You don’t want something he knows he wants You want to find something he doesn’t even know he needs or wants until he unwraps it, but then he’s like: ‘This is just what I need’ or ‘It’s just what I wanted.’ Those are the best presents.”

“That’s easy for you to say,” I think to mysefl. But I keep my mouth shut. When in desperate need, it doesn’t do to disparage those offering assistance.

Something you don’t even know you want until you unwrap it.

A great description of the perfect gift. (Not a lot of help three days before Christmas, but still, what a goal to shoot for. The gift-giving bar has officially been raised.)

Well, for my loving husband I settle on something I know he will like, but won’t buy for himself. Four months ago, he bought a new robe. Loved it. The first time we washed it, it was accidentally thrown in the dryer and shrank eight inches. He is six-three, so that was a big deal. He’d been making do ever since.

So, I found a new robe—that was easy, just asked my shopper daughter-in-law where to go. No muss, no fuss. But what about my son? What did he need that he didn’t even know he wanted? No clue.

Shopping with Jonathan again the next day—only two days until Christmas—he and I discussed how he’d arrived at his gift choices for his wife. (He’s good at this, just not an early-bird.) Between us, we identified five basic factors to consider when gifting someone. I found them very useful guidelines. Maybe you will also.

Step #1
First, the Fun Factor—if you can’t play with it, it’s not as good a gift as if you can. Thus, clothing often counts for women, but seldom counts for men.

Step #2
Second, the Memory Factor—a gift based upon something you remember your giftee said, maybe in passing, once upon a time.

Step #3
Third, the Recognition factor—something that shows you see your loved one as the kind of person he/she wants to be: sexy, outdoorsy, a gourmet chef, intellectual, a techie, whatever. Note that the Memory Factor and the Recognition Factor combine to make the Romance Factor…but for purposes of analysis, it is better to keep them separate.

Three primary factors, three bases if you will. If you can tag all three in one gift, all that remains is home plate…the Awareness Factor. Will your loved one unwrap it and suddenly be aware he’s wanted it all along?

I think my son hit a home run this year, plus bonus points for extravagance. He bought a pair of kayaks so he and his love can go out on the water together Maybe he’s found a fifth factor—his gift carries the promise of time spent together. That’s important, and melds into the Romance Factor. Like I said, he’s good at this.

So I am supposed to find something—with no help from him—for Mister Gift-master. A tall order, but I think I may have succeeded. Their fixer-upper has a huge backyard. He’s the outdoorsy, let’s-do-something type. I got him a nice set of Bocce balls. (Since he is male, I figure I have the As-seen-in-a-Godfather-movie Factor going for me as well.) Tomorrow, I’ll find out how I did…

SCORE!!

Wishing you a New Year filled with family, friends, and love.